Darkness has turned to gray
by Rosyposypie
Summary: Institutional Memory. My reading between the lines. Disclaimer: These characters and the whole concept of The West Wing belong to Aaron Sorkin and John Wells. Please don't sue me.


_Danny looked so hurt this lunchtime._

"_Thank you. That's useful information."_

She wanted to cry. She found herself back in her office, arms wrapped defensively around herself. She cannot, cannot cry. Cannot cry. Thank God for international crises to distract her. A future was there, within grasp. Only, she couldn't quite reach it. Not without actually opening up to another person, letting someone else see her vulnerable. It scared her. But she doesn't know which option scares her more: life with Danny, or life without him. Her silence didn't mean she doesn't consider him in her future. She's far too scared of screwing this up once and for all by saying such things out loud. Instead now she's scared she's screwed it up once and for all by not saying such things out loud.

_D o you want to work at the White House?_

_C.J. shakes her head slowly, her eyes brimming with tears._

No. Categorically no. She's so tired. Overemotional and tired. Hollis's offer blew her away this morning. £10 billion dollars to go fix the world. Wow. She can't think of much she'd rather do, all things told. No, she doesn't want to stay in the White House. Yes, of course she wants to take this opportunity. Quite frankly, a chance like this doesn't come up often, and she wants to do this. But the last few months have taught her that she might want more than this. Danny's become something of a fixture in her life these last few weeks. Two botched attempts at dinner turned into late night conversations, quiet drinks after hours slowly turning into the odd night together, until suddenly she's barely seen her apartment for days, and most mornings when it's barely light, she wakes to sanguine curls, laced with silver, and blue eyes. But she's scared. It seems so easy to say they'll get through this. She's so scared they won't. And she wants them to so badly.

_There's a typo in the Constitution_

_Well someone should look into that._

_Toby's gonna deal with it_

_What else?_

It dawns on C.J. that tonight is the first time in a long time that she's been out of her office before 10pm. She's still stood there, toying with the belt of her coat when Danny holds out his hand.

_Let me take your coat Cee_

He cocks his head in that adorable fashion, and looks at her with soulful blue eyes.

C.J. closes her eyes momentarily, breathes in and then unties her coat. She slips it off, and hands it to Danny. When he returns from hanging it up, she's still stood there, arms wrapped about herself. She looks all the more like a small child. Tears are still threatening to spill over, and he swears her lip is quivering a little.

He hands her the whiskey he set down when she first arrived, and motions for her to sit. She sips it slowly. Danny pulls up a stool behind her, and gently persuades her to sit on the stool in front of him. He wraps his arms around her and rests his chin on her shoulder. C.J. closes her eyes and leans her cheek against his. Danny drapes one arm around her waist and he smiles when she slips her hand into his.

_Everything changes in ten days, Danny. _

C.J. turns to face him, and he can see she's tearful. No wonder. He knows how tired she is.

_I'll be here_.

She looks up at him.

_You like the sound of my voice?_

Danny grins.

_I used to tune in to CNN to listen to your briefings when I worked abroad, just to catch you._

C.J.'s mouth twitches, and their gaze locks for a moment. She thinks he looks adorable when he's this earnest. His sincerity always touches her, and she smiles. He smiles back, and then leans in to kiss her gently.

_Have you eaten?_

C.J. shakes her head

_Not yet._

_Can I fix you something?_ _A sandwich? Salad?_

_You're sweet. Some toast, maybe?_

He presses his lips to her cheek gently, and then gets up to find bread, and make her something.

She watches him, resting her chin in her hand. He's always willing to look after her. Not afraid to talk back, but he always cares. Her mind drifts back to their conversation this lunchtime. Mr. C.J. Cregg. There's a thought. They have been shoving this conversation downstream. He's right. They're too old to wait around to get sentimental. Besides, she already knows that she gets sentimental at Christmas. This year proved that. They'd fallen in together, not for the first time. Dinner, mass, reading through the afternoon at opposite ends of the sofa. It had been quiet, but happy. Quietly happy. That appeals to her. Quietly happy. She feels content when they are.

A plate of toast appears to the side of her, and a glass of milk. Somehow, when she wasn't looking, he's learnt all her quirks. Toast how she likes it, without so much as a word. Slightly burnt, hot and buttery. Comfort food.

She could cope with this, as a future. The prospect of trusting someone this much scares her quite a lot, but the lure of quiet happiness is too strong. She realises she's been daydreaming when he reminds her to eat. She smiles, and bites into the slice. She's starving, and realises that she's barely eaten all day.

Danny has wandered over to the bedroom, and she can hear him humming a little. He calls to her.

_Cee, what time are you in the office tomorrow? _

She thinks, rueing leaving her bag in the car.

_I think eight._

It occurs to her that she should tell the agents this, but Danny's opening the front door as she thinks this. He tells the agent that she'll be here til 7, and to go garage the car.

_Thankyou. _

She's finished her toast, and leaves her plate on the side.

_I appreciate you making me dinner, you know. _

He's stood in the doorway of the bedroom now.

She still feels awkward, despite the ease at which she's slipped into considering his place a home from home. She's still musing when she realises he's stood in front of her.

_It's not too late. Do you want to stay up, or hit the sack?_

They're both tired. Both emotional.

_Bed, I think. _

He takes her hands into his and then kisses them.

_Okay then. _

Danny bustles round the flat, pulling the shutters too and turning the lamps off. The streetlights cast a gentle glow into the kitchen, and C.J. finds herself sat in the dark. Light streams out from the bedroom. Danny potters into the bedroom and then turns round. He comes back towards her and holds out a hand, then holds out both hands.

_It's a little wierd, you know._

Danny looks at her.

_I mean, wierd in a good way. This..._

She gestures towards him, around the flat

_This. Becoming us. _

She looks up at him, and smiles. Their hands still entwined.

_I do want to be with you._

Danny looks at her, and reached to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. He cups her cheek in his hand and looks at her tenderly.

_We'll figure this out together you know._

C.J reaches for him, and kisses him. One of her hands creeps into his hair and she's too occupied with kissing him to smile when he pulls her flush against him. They stand in the half dark, kissing for sometime before C.J. pulls away, takes his hand and pulls him into the bedroom.


End file.
